"There are too many mediocre things in life - love should not be one of them"

Quite often I hear people pick up the phone when their loved ones are calling.  Before even properly greeting   their lover, I can usually hear the "could we please just get this conversation over with"  sound in their voices.  Then again, I have other friends, who picks up and says "hello babe!" ... Guess in which relationship I would rather be.  

The matter of mediocrity in love especially in lesbian relationships is something we should take very seriously.  Too many of us has all kinds of sparks flying at the start of our relationship and end up after a few months with a bland, watered down - "oh it`s just you" situation.  Yes, we are women, we tame each other fast,  we get all enmeshed and domestic and very soon there are little left for the imagination that entices and excites.  This is a huge potential pothole for our little lesbian love lives.  Before realizing it, our relationships might turn into a sad depressing affair.  

Fighting mediocrity is never too late.  It might start off with a little kinky note in her briefcase,  an unexpected bunch of flowers at the office,  a blindfold in bed or whispering dirty little promises in her ear during dinner with your parents.   It`s not hard to come up with exciting ideas to introduce variety, surprise, excitement and fun into a settled relationship.  

When you love her, love her fiercely,  and ensure she knows, that you move mountains and fight tigers for her love... Tell her what you love about her body, about her voice, her eyes, her hands - suck her toes and kiss her feet when she expects it least - this is keeping the flame alive in long term relationships. 

Make your old familiar beautiful mountain explode :) It makes the hikes so much more worth-it. 

Happy exploding! 

Kisses

Darefairy 

Taking her on a Date: a lesson in romance...

Ok, enough with all the hardcore sex and emotional spikes ((only for now)) – it is time we talked about dating.  For the first time in my mere 33 years of living I am actually trying out the dating scene. Meaning, I am going out on adventures with all kinds of fantastic women and enjoying every moment.

 Dating is not about being committed to someone or moving in on the second date.  It`s about going on a date.  An appointment, at a restaurant, picnic place, movie or whatever – like going to the doctor, going on a date. 

In my opinion the phenomena of social networking has accelerated us beyond the point of dating.  We meet each other, after having spent weeks on whatsapp sharing all our most intimate secrets and end up meeting someone we know very well on the first date.  With little left for the imagination, we start relationships like old married couples. NO! NO! NO!   

I was a lucky girl. I have to share it here, because she deserves some recognition.  The first date I went on after years of tedious, dramatic, abusive and emotionally draining, committed relationships was with a woman called Soe!. Going on dates (not dating) Soe! gave me brand new zest for lesbian life.

Let me tell the compact version.   I made a date with Soe! at my all-time favourite fantasy restaurants.  Not looking forward much and still licking the wounds the Cheshire cat, scratched all over my face.  I awaited the seemingly interesting lesbian I met on Facebook.  We have chatted some, not much though. 

My first blink of her, was the gorgeous woman, (and please note WOMAN, not girl) with her loose hair and a bunch of flowers in her arms.  As I approached her, my head buzzed. This woman, clearly fluent in flirting, dating and cooking up chemistry made me feel adored from the second I met her.   The way  she kept eye contact, overloaded after looking into my eyes ((and had to take sip of wine pausing)), subtle touching of my hands, and later the vague rubbing of her knee against mine had me bedazzled. We chatted for six hours straight, with the most incredible sexual energy hovering between us.  Before she left we briefly kissed and she watched me drive away after walking me to my car.

This, however was  a  date, not a relationship, not a plan to get married – a magical fantastic date. That’s all.  On our second date, she showed up at my hotel, with twinkles in her eyes. I awaited her barefoot in the lobby,  and we had the most romantic dinner on the balcony.  She brought me jewelry, strawberries and chocolates.  I felt like the most adored sensual woman in history.  Needless to say, yes the date entailed the most fabulous sex I ever had. 

After she left in morning I sent her tons of red roses, making her feel all adored and spoiled. What were we really doing?  Falling in love?  Building a relationship? No – we were going on regular heartwarming, gut igniting dates.  Were we seeing other people – of course we were, going on a date is a verb, not a condition.   

What I am alluding to is that we have forgotten how to date.  I certainly have.  Going on a date or six with Soe! Made me think hard about the way we lesbians kick start our magic, or the lack thereof.   

Whether you are in a real picket fenced relationship,  at the start of something new, single, dating, checking things out, in an open relationship or whatever. We need to relook the effort we put into making each other feel appreciated and adored.  We need to relive that breathtaking moment when someone sends you flowers and recapture that fantastic feeling that all the straight girls get in high school when the boyfriend is touching her hand for the first time.  We don`t need to miss this because we are lesbians. 

I am concerned that missing it, however may be the lesbian norm. We jump into relationships boots, pubic hair, and emotional baggage and all from the very first date.  By doing this, we are denying ourselves the unmistakable magic of fascination with this gorgeous new woman in our lives.  We are domesticating what could be wild and magical from the very start. 

This is my challenge to you.  Ask her on a date.  Make her feel wined and dined like the happiest women in the world,  and see the magic materializing, all on its own. 

Kisses

Darefairy

The Vanishing of the Cheshire Cat, and why lingering isn`t supposed to be comforting.

"Alice: Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?

The Cat: That depends a good deal on where you want to get to

Alice: I don't much care where.

The Cat: Then it doesn't much matter which way you go.

Alice: …so long as I get somewhere.

The Cat: Oh, you're sure to do that, if only you walk long enough."




The Cat, proudly professes, that it doesn`t get involved in politics. Yes, even when the Red Queen is about to chop the Hatters' head, and the Jabberwockie  runs just short of combusting Alice.  Strangely, it does appear when Alice are wounded by the Bandersnatch, quickly heals the wound and takes off.  Ever known a Cheshire Cat? Eternally present/unpresent comes and goes as pleases, verbalizes commitment - but then, grins and dissappears.  I once knew a Cheshire cat...



The Cheshire Cat manifests as a  quiet lingering ex from long ago who always left before she could hurt you,  until you realized;  the only reason she doesn`t hurt, is because she not real like your other lovers.  Its easy to be loved,  when showing up for a major event, playing hero*grinning * and rushing off.  Its a non commital freedom to them,  a verbalization of love and support with very little to substantiate it.  To us,  its a mere comforting thought of somoene who's commitment has been but a figment of our imaginations.  



Yes, realizing its was an illusion can be essentially as devestating,  as looking into the Grinning Puss`s face with love and longing, when waking up, realizing - OH SHIT,  I never knew you at all.  



Moral of the story:  When someone loves, they love like the way the Hatter would fight for Alice,  staying behind her all the way, risking his life to keep her safe and even landing in jail to protect her.  Its about positive visible commitment and proof that would hold up in court. Love is never a non committal grin, when you are begging for mercy,  or a simple inconsiderate vanishing as soon as the situation gets a little tough.  When the going gets tough the Cheshire cat gets going - to wherever she goes.... 



I had a cat like that.  I loved her.  she loved my hat... Thats about it.  After 10 years,  I looked up into the sky, and saw her face... - I suddenly knew, I don`t know this person. I don`t know her pretence, her lies and insencerity,  and I was a naive fool. Shit! I fell, over and over again.  With broken legs and serious bruises to my heart they were there.  The real, non vanishing entities.  Tweedeldee and Tweedeledum,  the dearest Absalom and her wisdom,  the Vorpal sword of love,  and my beloved Alice.  Without them I would probably not have survive the shock of  realizing, that the Cat that used to be my companion,  had vanished into thin air.... in time, became a mere figment of my vivid imagination.  



Isn`t it true, the some of us are in relationships like this... as time progresses, we lose them,  like steam, slowly evaporating, leaving an empty pond.... One day we wake up realizing - for a long time now,  this relationship, has been a mere figment of our imagination.  The cat doesn`t heal the wounds anymore,  it just doesnt show up.... It leaves a void that becomes part of us - so slowly, that we believe it to be normal.  



Beware of this.  Women need abundant committed loud loving.  We need to be held at night and kissed with a fiery hunger.  We need women who will fuck us into oblivion and then hold us like the world is about to end.  My dear fellow lesbians,  beware of the Cheshire cats in our lives - time doesnt sleep - don`t grow old lonely withou realizing it.... 



For ten years I held on to the idea of my Cheshire cat, ever vanishing, I kept believing.  When the day came to weather the storm without her,  the reality broke softly.... Like the waves at False bay... I expected a thunderstorm,  and then  realized this is no longer a earth shattering loss... Ive been in this soft waves for a while, used to the non-committal absence.  I`m just processing the reality of knowing, the grin and the eyes, has never had the meaning I attached to it.   Bantry bay will never be at Simonstown, no matter how I hoped it to be.   She has been gone much longer than her body, or the smell of smoke in her bedroom.  I don`t even miss her much. I thought the invisibilty meant ,that she was always there lingering.  I was wrong.  It meant she was always missing...



Go well, Cheshire cat of my imagination.  I love what we once had.  May you be spared the lingering emptiness you brought upon me. I will soar.  Grounded. Without you.  



...and sorry, I`m keeping my hat.    




NO kisses.

Darefaiy.

I love your Girlfriend - honesty and two degrees of seperation.

I will start out frankly: I am not a serious optimist when it comes to the viability of straight modelled lesbian relationships. I have just encountered a few too many lesbian relationships gone horribly awry. I have a friend who has not been in a relationship for six years. She simply doesnt feel like the high drama any longer. If I look around me, I don`t blame her. I suspect, that at the core of our lesbian relationship difficulties lies two things: firstly we try way to hard to imitate straight monogamous calvinist marriages, and secondly our female inability to stop caring for our ex lovers and perhaps following that, our intense need to own the person we love. So you have six ladies in your life you call friends, turns out they are actually all exes with whom you share a bag full of intimate and emotionally loaded memories. Your newest lover has issues with them, as they make her feel insecure. After various over emotional fights you choose between a friendless existence or another breakup and consequently another ex that you will remain in contact with inevitably. This mad but very real situation brings us to a choice:a) You can either decide that your current lover is the most important person in the world and abandon your exes, risking isolation and end up despising her for losing people closest to your heart in the long term. b) Your lover can learn to accept that she is your most imporant love and that caring and even loving other people does not derive from that. The facts are. If the only reason you are staying with your lover and not having juicy thoughts about other women is because you don`t get to communicate with anyone else, then she should be way more insecure than if you were frank with her about exes and other people dear to you.Its a bit of a cosmopolitan love. Myself and a friend in Cape Town recently worked out that in South Africa there are about two people between you and any other South African Lesbian (sexually). So, we are one hot and happy family. We have to accept ourselves as women whom, in kind are loving, warm hearted and bond tightly and easily we should probably stop trying to imitate straight relationships in our much diffrent way of loving. We are not stud bulls trying to spread our gene pool as far as possible, we are deeper, more caring beings, and thinking that loving anyone means forgetting and unloving everyone else you have once loved is a giant mistake. Especially with women. The solution lies in free open and uninhibited communication. My primary lover knows, about all the women I carry close to my heart. She also understands how important she is to me. In fact all the women in my life does. Yes, I love more than one woman. That does not make me the slut of Lesbia, it simply makes me honest, both with myself and the objects of my affection. One of the last things I want is someone who does not want me, or worse somoene that wants to imprison me. We must design our own working mode, l heavens the straight model doesnt even work for straights!!So, as a pessimist over the longterm viability of a relationship between two over emotional intense woman, I believe that lesbian relationships can only work if we are open and honest about the fact that we do love each others girlfriends - it does not mean we need to sleep with them, but denial has never caused love to vanish, it only broods and grows stronger until what you are hiding either bursts open dramatically or devours you from the inside.So honey, I love your girlfriend, sir, I love your wife - live with it, because if you are honest you will admit, that you too loves somene elses girlfriend. Remember to support www.alicemagazine.co.za

Kisses

Darefairy

Not Just a Pocket Pussy, Finding the E-Spot….and then the S-Spot, and then the N-Spot, and then the L-Spot, and then the C-Spot…. before getting to the G-Spot….. why and how.

Have you ever seen a “pocket pussy”?  If you`ve been to an Adult Novelty Store chances are you have.  Hmmm? I bet a lot of you wear balaclavas to the sex shop, or is wigs? Well if you were not shy you would have had the startling experience of coming (NOT cumming) face to face with a pocket pussy!  Don`t fear, it`s not much different from a blow up doll – except, it’s only the vagina of a blow up doll. A pocket pussy is a velvety soft plastic/latex little ball with labia and an inside. Obviously, it`s mostly for the use of straight men. My point exactly….

This might be an old tune I’m singing, but if you are struggling in your sex life, it is probably time you or your partner starts listening to when this fat lady sings! No matter how turned on – a woman is much more than a vagina, and sex with a woman, is sex with much more than a vagina. A premature hand, finger, dildo, strap-on on a vagina will therefore be greeted with the dismay it deserves. 

Having sex with a woman is not about a genital experience.  It is very much an emotional experience, a skin experience, a lips experience, a nipple experience and so forth.  It all starts in the emotions.  If you don`t find the e-spot before looking for the others, you will probably fail dismally at your attempt to pleasure your love to her full potential.

The E-spot consists of a few different mental and emotional dimensions.  Firstly, be someone she admires. When a woman knows she can seduce someone she admires, she immediately feels like a sex god herself!  To achieve this, it is important to know what your lover admires in people.  Work towards being more of that, and see the magic happen.  Secondly, we need to feel safe.  Your lover will only react to you on an ideal level if she trusts you.  Trust lies a bit deeper than “she won`t cheat on me” emotional safety to women is about, “does she love me?”, “will she still want me if she sees me in my pajamas in the middle of the night with my hair in all directions and my stinky breath?” and most importantly, are you someone with whom your partner feels its ok to lose all control and inhibitions.  This last aspect is the very essence of good sex with a woman.  Even if you spend hours vigorously working down under, and are panting of fatigue and not lust – if you don`t have the E-Spot in place, she will need to quietly close her eyes and think of a tree (or her boss) to experience orgasm.

After the E- spot follows all the different little spots covered by our biggest organ – the SKIN (S-Spot).  Truly where this is concerned,  SIZE DOES MATTER… Be all over her, worship her beautiful body,  kiss her toes and suck her fingers,  make her feel adored, on fire and wanting.  At this stage the Vulva is still a no go place – even if you yearn to let your fingers slip past those labia – I say NO!

The L-Spot don’t forget the lips! Not those lips! The ones attached to her head!  A proper French kiss is the perfect meeting place of the E-Spot and the S-Spot, and is just the thing to make her lose control of those violent desires…. If you and your partner are struggling with kissing that is satisfying to both of you, find a midway but never stop kissing!

 After you`ve spent enough time on all the Spots, you may know venture ahead to the rabbit hole of redemption….

I know most of you know, but for those of you that don`t…. Your final destination, one the road to small death is the G-Spot (not only the Clitoris).  It’s not hard to find…. Explore the roof of her vagina with your fingertips. Just past the entrance you will feel a place that’s feels almost as though it has rough ridges – keep your finger there when you rush to the finish line. 

She will want you, again and again and again….

She is not a pocket pussy, and after this, you will know the difference.   

Kisses

Darefairy.

....what sticks and stones can`t break - the power of words

After a significant absence I am back to entertain you with the tragic truth and the wonderful reality…
Thanks for bearing with me.

 If we are lucky,  life allows us to grow and develop.  Like wonderful divas. We soar and mature into more and more beauty every day.  Unfortunately however humans were also made to be extremely emotionally adaptable – and tend to quickly develop a very high level of tolerance for anything, from calming tablets, to violence. 

 The universe has been bombarding me with one message for the past month and that message entails the effect words and energy have on our health and wellbeing.  So, why is this lesbian issue?  Easy.  Women are highly emotional, seriously volatile and mostly quite expressive beings.  Even though this is exactly what we love about each other (and frankly what our straight friends miss most) it is also  the recipe for the worst of volcanic disasters, emotional tantrums and even crimes of passion. 

 The fact is – it seems that without noticing, we find it easier and easier every day that a relationship progress to be more insensitive and even verbally abusive.  I am not saying you should not be honest with your lover.  I am saying we should think what we are going to say, before we say it – and most important HOW we say it.   Barfing up insensitive remarks is easy when you are emotional, but Receiving them is devastating.  It leaves scarrs and wounds that take much longer to heal than sticks and stones ever could. 

So the sequence goes like this:   X upsets Y by doing something.  Y hurts X, so X hurts Y back – this time hitting a bit harder.  After a few knockout rounds of  lover Tennis, wounded egos and a shocked feeling running through their veins they stop the  fight.  Suddenly unresolved hurt lies between these two people that once adored each other.  Over time the hurting becomes a habit, the more it happens the more numb we get.  Because it’s not possible to only go numb in one part of your heart – your love numbs too – making it easier to give and take the punishment. In time the love becomes less than the injuries multiply and we go through life crippled by pain, but holding on to what we once had. Of course the number we get, we tend to react less and less to those words, and as we stop reacting the injuries get deeper, as our partners get more drifty in getting through to us. 

Honeys,  don’t be fooled by the numbness – you are not getting stronger,  you are actually dying.  What is worse is that you are allowing the one person you chose to love you – to destroy you.

Words words words – if ever there were a lie – it is that words can never hurt you.  Give me sticks and stones, by all means – break my bones – but leave my soul to be happy and free. 
 

We need to get out of this rut.  I`ve been thinking it through – and I can only see one way – and that is to become more sensitive.Contrary to instinct.   We should feel the violence of our own words before it leaves our lips. At the time if we allow ourselves to feel the violence of her words in time, we will know when to leave before it consumes us.  If we can break the lesbian cycle of emotional outbursts, psychological manipulation, and insensitive comments with love and sensitivity and getting the hell out of there in time we would probably be much happier.  It’s not that easy? When we are hurt, angry and loosing perspective,  it offers relief to lash out and dish out some hurt of our own.  Unfortunately the relieve is short lived.  Admit it to yourself, women lose perspective easier because we put our hearts into our partners.  There are no distance to make you pause and see the situation in context and so we become our own nemesis when it comes to relationships.  It needs to be a cognitive decision – you should tell yourself, when you get that “this truck is running down the hill without breaks” feeling to STOP.  STOP and leave.  Phone a friend, a shrink, a nurse, a pastor ANYONE – and get distance before reacting.  Decide to break the cycle of abuse with your mind not your heart. Never justify hard words towards the woman you love.   We are adults – we have the power, and on the other side of the violence – heaven awaits.

Words shape  our  reality and our wellbeing.  Language is the way we love and hate.

I  will soon write a follow up on: “fixing what sticks and stones can`t break”  until then…

Kisses

Darefairy

69 sexy tips and ideas for a seductive summer down under.

Darlings, for lots of luscious lesbian lovemaking. ENJOY!!

1. Grow your finger nails. Seduce her by                    softly caressing her back.
2. Surprise her by unexpectedly putting your hand down her pants and touch her Queen of hearts. Preferably in a place like CNA or the restaurant.
3. Lick her juices of your fingers whilst keeping eye contact.
4. Don't wear panties, whisper it to her in public.
5. Pack her a lunchbox with yesterday's panties.
6. Massage her back, and have your fingers stray to the sides of her breasts.
7. Have a naked picnic in your backyard.
8. Get some feathers to stimulate her skin all over.
9. See how long you can hold your breath, muff her in the swimmingpool.
10. Have a fruit fight. Drip the sweet juices all over your bodies, get sticky and licky.
11. Ask her to tell you when she reaches 8/10 in her journey to climax.  Stop, count to five and start stimulating her again. Do this at leasy five times.
12. Stimulate her on a rollercoaster.
13. Have secret sex on the beach in the darkness.
14. Have sex blindfolded (both of you).
15. Have sex without using your hands.
16. Spend the evening exciting each other with words, you are not allowed to touch each other for at least 3 hours.
17. Spend the day in constant sms sex, without touching yourself - wait till you get home.
18. Watch each other while masturbating.
19. Play slave and master, give each other instructions what to do without showing how.
20. Wash each other in the shower.
21. Make love to her feet.
22. Kiss her hands and suck her fingers.
23. Follow the contours of her ears with your tongue.
24. Tease her with light kisses and withdraw.
25. Make cupcakes of her breasts, use real icing, and all those kiddy decorations.
26. Make her body a platter of olives, cream cheese, baby tomatoes, gherkins and everything you can think of. Eat with your hands tied.
27. Drink tequila from her navel and Amarula from her breasts.
28. Treat her with a breast mask of Avocado, lick it off.
29. Take off your clothes, put lots of oil on her naked body. Move and kiss without touching.
30. Make love to her while she is on her tummy.
31. Put a little letter in her laptop bag, explaining how much you desire her.
32. Take her on a naked hot air baloon ride.
33. Make love to her on a speedboat.
34. Watch each other masturbate whilst in a canoe.
35. Make love on the roof during sunset.
36. Take a drive somewhere scenic and make love in a car.
37. Have phonesex while she is in the same house you are.
38. Flash her in the kitchen while her mom is in the livingroom.
39. Strip for her while she is on the phone.
40. Put your fingers through her hair when you kiss.
41. Have her sit on the kitchen table, and have her for dinner.
42. Stimulate her with your toes in the bath.
43. Rub all her erogenous zones with Durex Tingle lube.
44. Message her feet and suck her toes while you hand creep up her thighs.
45. Kiss her inner legs and thighs like it is her mouth.
46. Make love in VERY slow motion, dont get carried for at least an hour.
47. Lie in the bath with each others' legs around your necks.
48. Have cybersex, with a webcam.
48. Spend three days where any kind of touch is forbidden.
49. Tell her that she is not allowed to cum, then do your best to make her cum.
50. Lie down quitely, fingers in each other.
51. Use a video camera, stay pokerface whilst stimulating each other.
52. Wake her up with your hands in her pants.
53. Sit in the scissor position, let your queen of hearts meet hers face to face. Move slowly discuss your juices mixing.
54. Push her to the floor, wall, door, window, table. Move and kiss.
55. Make love to her on a lazyboy (especially one that can rock).
56. Write sexy words on her back and let her guess what it is. If she is right she gets reward!
57. Feed her wild berries in syrup, kiss it from off her lips.
58. Bathe her nipples in honey and suck it clean.
59. Make a bed of flowers in your bath, drench her body in petals, drink strawberry Cape Velvet and play her beautiful music.
60. On a hot day get naked and play with ice, go wild all over your bodies and mouthes.
61. Kiss her all over with ice in your mouth.
62. Condensed milk in her neck, suck, lick and kiss.
63. Get two hand mirrors and explore your genitals together.
64. Get some music, do a naked "langarm" evening.
65. Play a drinking game of dares. Be ready for wild fun.
66. Work in the garden - naked.
67. Take her to the movies late at night. Make her cum while you pretend to be watching.
68. MMS sexy pics of yourself while she is at work.
69. Spend time in 69 very slowly exploring, kissing and licking each others genitals. The purpose of this is not to cum, but to get wildly turned on together.

Now, down the rabbithole you go, send my regards to the Queen of hearts.

KISSES

Darefairy!

Painting my house RED because I want to. A Lesbian celebration!

Dear lesbian friends, I am shouting it: Thank heavens I am a lesbian!

Life has saved me from the fatal doom of falling in love with a boring bloke and his testosterone driven urge to dominate, own, and paint everything white.

A hatter in soul, I have way too much muchness for a man!

I celebrate the fact that i won't be tied down to a bierpens, burps or fart jokes. I do not need to tolerate sexist jokes, or deal with him not closing the toilet, or pissin on the floor! I simply dont have the option to be the obedient little wife, trying to please her man to keep his attention.

I would never have enjoyed living in a middle class little household,  where I have to cook, dish, serve and clean religiously. I won't need to ask permission to have a fabulous girls' night and rock the tequila or ever be stuck in a horrific saturday afternoon with rugby and castle lager.

I am lucky enough to have been born privleged. I get to have a female partner with soft hair, who smells like flowers and femme, sleep with gorgeous soft breasts which i can hold on to when I fall asleep, and fingernails to tickle me all over.

I have a female partner who enjoy my oddities and energy without feeling threatend or less like a man because i'm strong, popular or clever.

I get to love somoene who can enjoy long luxury evenings, drinking red wine and having pedi's mani's and facials. We can giggle, gossip and eat tubs of ice cream.My woman will hold me when I cry and cry with me when im sad. She understands periods, pms, papsmears, pregnancy and parties where there are no testosterone saturated bullies.

I can take my partner to the beauty therapist, the ocean and even the malls' restrooms. We will have estrogen charged passionate fights, and kiss like we are ignited afterwards. Lesbians have the gift  of exquisite intimacy with or without having sex.

Today, I celebrate being a lesbian. I can love and be free at the same time. I can be with somoene and still keep my unique identity.

Above all this I get to love sacredly and experience a world of sensual beauty. I  have sex and pray at the same time. Its the gift of being able to sexually and emotionally fulfill each other, without playing games.

I watch wonderland as often as I like!

Thank you Lord, I am a lucky lesbian in a world full of gorgeous women and a red palace where I can dance naked, drink Merlot and scream as much as I like!

Cheers & Kisses

Darefairy

The Nosey Virtue: Smelling the Queendom and loving it!

Have you ever taken your lover`s pajamas, pressed it against your face, just breathing in her familiar beautiful smell?  Next time you do this notice how your breathing and heartbeat changes.  In my opinion smell is one of your most wonderful but underutilized bodily functions. It’s a secret invisible door to a new intimate heaven.  As us lesbians don`t need to deal with stinky men, we should use our sense of smell to enhance intimacy.

I just adore smelling the people I love.  Perhaps my dogs taught me this at first.  I have always been better at barking than singing.  Smelling the woman I love is like falling into a wonderland of pleasant memories of treasured moments close to her. If I don`t stop myself I might just make puppy like whines!

After all, there was something to the story of the college boy smelling his girlfriend`s panties whilst wanking!  Every day, our brains build little neural paths linking our senses to experiences.  This is probably the reason giving Oral sex is so fantastic.  It links the ecstatic experience of sex with the tastes and smells of the beloved woman stretched out in front of you. More importantly it links her intimate smells with the experience of orgasm and turns all your feel good hormones into fireworks!  Try smelling her juices while you are not being intimate, and notice the arousal.  Your body is activating the little neural path connecting that smell with the feel good hormones.  Those smells trigger smaller amounts of the same lovely experience your glands secretes whilst having sex.  It is all chemistry!

The truth is, we are mammals, and unconsciously our brains use smells en pheromones to communicate, attract, and repulse.  If you allow yourself to fully indulge the tastes and smells of the people around you it whips up the experience into a whole new dimension. 

Every woman tastes and smells differently.  Although some perfumes smell intoxicatingly nice, one should not kill one`s perfectly unique skin odor with chemicals whilst in bed or during sex.  I can proudly say that if you blindfold me, I’d be able to recognize my intimate partners by just smelling their hair.  It’s like a fingerprint enfolding her; it lures her partners and reminds us of the good stormy days of wild sex with a new lover.  Never underestimate the ability of a right woman’s` smell to lure you and turn you on. 

According to research we are genetically programmed to be more attracted to some people than others.    The same research suggests that our noses pick up on these pheromones and indicate to our subconscious that this might be a potential sexual partner.  It goes on by suggesting, that you and your partner is genetically compatible,  you will have more and better orgasms with her than with someone you are less compatible to.

I`m not talking about stench - no no no!  A stinky smell will cause your girlfriend to unsuck!  Treat your normal sweatiness and beware of bad breath! There is nothing worse than kissing the gorgeous white Queen and staggering due to bad breath!  If you are a smoker, and your woman does not smoke – you better ask her if it bothers her.  If it does make plan to make it more acceptable or otherwise don`t be surprised if she is not such an eager kisser!

The other thing about smoking; if you lover is not used to your smokey smell, or does not integrate it as part of your natural sexy odor, it buggers up the whole natural flow of feminine scent.  It also affects your ability to smell her properly.  Talking about the effect of smoking on your intimate life is very important!  Taking a bath and not smoking before sex can help.  Otherwise make a plan to get off the Coal locomotive!

Just like real a lesbian, loves the Queen of hearts, a real lesbian loves the smell of her partners and the partners`  noo noo.  There must be an important rule of thumb as to how much she likes the smell. To me, kissing the Queen of hearts when she has just bathed lacks a certain element of brute sensuality.  I prefer kissing the Queen of hearts at least four hours after she has taken a bath, but not more than 10 hours.  Partners should discuss what they like, love and dislike. 

Don`t forget that taste is intrinsically linked to smell.  Ultimately, I would say one cannot enjoy a woman`s body to the fullest if you don`t enjoy her intimate body scent.

Smell her, lick her, LOVE her!

Kisses

Darefairy

The Spotless Way to Wonderland – ignoring the Jabberwocky and just giving in to love.

I dedicate today’s opinion piece to three significant creatures in my Wonderland.  The elf man who helped create the fairy, the Alice who established my Hatter hood, and the Cheshire Cat who is always lurking in the Shadows.  

In the Movie “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless mind” the girl gets a corporation of shrinks to erase her lost love from her memory.  This way she does not need to deal with the pain of loss.  It occurred to me that this might be the best possible solution for relationship related pain.  (however my pinkshrink laughed at me when I requested this.) The thought of easily removing the object of loss from one`s memory just seems like a promise of eternal sunshine and heaven.  Will erasing people from our mind transform our lives from "Alice in Under land" to "Alice in Wonderland"?  It promises to.  A consciousness devoid of pain. A place where we can love like mad and just erase the pain if we get hurt.  

I started to imagine loving to the fullest, risking my heart without the possibility of luring loss and disappointment - a world where people don`t remember hurting one another.  A hypnotic safety net of altering conciousness after loss.   Wow! How would life be if we just loved, boundless, limitless and without reservation. It would be wild, wacky, loud, lovely and happy.

On the other hand, if we really loved each other this way, and lived boundless, would we have so much pain?  If all of us stopped the doubt and just loved, we might not need shrinks to remove each other from our minds in order to be happy.

A year ago I lost my best friend, Exo to a tragic mountaineering accident.  After a journey of eleven years, I neglected him for the last three months of his life.  After his death, I was told that he was disturbed and sad about this, he did not understand.  Dying on 8 August 2010, I never got the chance to rectify my mistake.  I never got the last chance to tell him: “I love you”.

Standing next to  Exo`s grave there was nothing I wanted to do more than to hold him one last time and tell him how much he means to me.  We live life limiting ourselves by social boundaries. I can`t love you because of this, I can`t show you how much I care because of that,  I am scared to love you, what if you leave me, if I show you how I feel, would you hurt me?  We make war against our hearts, and our own emotions become the Jabberwocky.  

As time passes we lose people along the way, because we are too busy fighting the war to show love. There are few things in life as liberating as telling someone: I love you, I don`t care what you do, or how you change, or if you grow a large purple mole on your nose – I love you, and this will never change.

I can love more than one person this way, all of us can.  It is time to rid ourselves of these Calvinistic patriarchal boundaries. I Recently said to myself: I do not care if some day I am just another face at her funeral, but I never want to feel regret for not loving enough again. This is why I will love free, and clear - despite the calvinistic way of being.  It is time to be free, to love and care, like we have spotless minds.  Like we have a fabulous shrink to save us on the other side and erase the pain. 

This is the surest way to Wonderland.   

  “At some point, you have to make a decision. Boundaries don't keep other people out. They fence you in. Life is messy. That's how we're made. So, you can waste your lives drawing lines. Or you can live your life crossing them.” – Dr. Meredith Grey (Greys Anatomy).

Underhology - Lets Stereotype ourselves and our world! *no its NOT a dream*

We love stereotyping ourselves, putting ourselves in little boxes and making check marks.  As I believe “Alice, Through the looking Glass” also called “Alice in Wonderland” to be almost as encompassing a book on life as some other very thick books I have decided to embark upon some Underland Stereotyping.  Think of it as you do of Astrology – eg.  My girlfriend is a typical Jabberwocky

*chuckle* *hide*

The White Queen

The White Queen very strange.  Everybody wants to be her friend. The fools!  She is a Strangely aloof beauty that radiates good intentions and exterior calmness.  She tries her best to act helpless and benign. However, many a times she is actually deeply manipulating and tends to over utilize her "little girl demeanor" in order to get what she wants without lifting a finger.  It is hard to truly connect with the White Queen, it may in fact (except for her beauty) be one of the reasons everyone wants to be with her.  It is like obtaining the unobtainable, the ultimate goal.  Despite all her attempts to appear warm hearted she might as well have been the Ice Queen in bed. Plainly, she is generally passionless and works very hard to pretend that the right Hatter on horseback will make her cum over and over again.  However, I don`t believe this to be the case.  If you are one of the 600 creatures chasing after her, praying to please her into power, remember with your best efforts, you might get her into bed but if you can make her scream you reign supreme.

The Mad Hatter

The Mad Hatter tries to be the undercover hero of the Underland, and exhausts herself to play the part.  She is an unfocused, eccentric woman that can be very naïve.  She believes that the Jabberwocky will be slayed no matter how dark the situation seems to be – she is in for a huge surprise!  She overdoes everything.  Sticking with the Hatter can be a wild and wonderful adventure, if you have the ovaries to endure (or ignore) the consequences.  The Hatter is a weirdly loyal and strangely obsessive person.  If you have the Hatters` heart, you will know it. She is a disturbingly explicit being.  She would have you blushing in a whiffy, but when it is time for action she prefers Alice to take the first step.  If you like silence the Hatter will drive you crazy, if you are going to visit the Hatter bring your earmuffs (and perhaps sunglasses). The Hatter loves her tea, with whisky that is.  Beneath the extravagance she is actually brittle.  She would rather save Alice (or the whole Underland) than herself.  People tend to think that the Hatter is self-sustaining, but in fact she needs and loves her crazy tea party friends much more than anyone would believe.  Sex with the Hatter is unforgettable, if you manage to get that far!  She won`t take the first step unless she knows you want her.  One thing is certain, the Hatter cannot fake it.  Once intimacy has started, you will be in for a magical time. If you are looking for a one night stand, steer clear – it`s hard to erase or replace the “Hatter Intensity”.

Alice Kingsley

Alice is a well-intended, misunderstood, fierce leader who appears from nowhere to save the world.  She is frequently underestimated, but also underestimates herself. Alice has much more muchness than she realizes.  She is a woman of exceptional beauty, wit and guts. Life frequently catches Alice off-guard as she tends to be unsure of what is real, and what is a part of her fabulous imagination. She finds it hard to believe that people admire her and that she is worthy of unconditional love. She is dreamy and realistic, tough and tender. Alice is the best of both worlds in one formidable package.  Disagreeing with Alice is fatal, she don`t budge on her ideas and opinions, sometimes paralyzing those who love her. In her journey to slay the Jabberwocky and save Underland she fights the urge to give in to emotion and might even appear cold at times.  Due to this it is easy to confuse her strenght with ruthlessness.  Don`t be fooled.  When Alice is safe and the Jabberwocky does not lure, she turns into a vulnerable girl in need of love and protection. Very few people ever see this side of Alice, but that is the secret of her magic.  Sex with Alice happens as unexpected as her falling through the rabbit hole.  It is both a thrilling and a deeply touching experience.  The downside is that she might disappear as fast as she appeared, leaving you haunted.  If you have loved Alice, you will probably always love Alice.  

The Jabberwocky

The Jabberwocky lures her followers using the red queen as bait.  She can easily be confused with a handy compatriot and will promise you highs and power you never thought was possible.  Unfortunately it is all a trick, she will lure you until you are hooked and then start spewing fire.  Trapped and intoxicated you might even burn, until someone saves you.  The Jabberwocky is conscienceless and will quietly laugh while she see you burn.  She might even make you cum in between.  When you see the Jabberwocky, don`t fool yourself! RUN! Don`t be lured, heavens it is Satan! RUN!

The Cheshire Cat

The Cheshire Cat is a softly unpredictable tabby. She might seem absent but she is actually luring in the skies always close enough to jump in just before the Bandersnatch rips of one’s arm. She is a strong sensual individual who values her right to vanish and appears as she wishes. The luck being - she also allows you the space. Chesh is a very loyal puss. Whilst not involving her in interpersonal politics she has unbreakable loyalties, however, she reveals them selectively. Due to her vanishing acts, it is easy to experience her as unreliable, in truth - she is always somewhere close with a lively secretive smile. She is neither loud nor very expressive but one should never underestimate her private musings. She tries very hard to seem aloof and untouchable, but she is everywhere - and contrary to popular belief, she has a beautiful heart. If you like personal space, and want a loyal, calm and very amusing lover - that Cheshire Puss is the one for you!!! Sex with the Cheshire cat should never be under estimated.   They seem meek and mild but this cat can become a tiger in bed – and of course tigers have nice and prickly tongues. 

Absolem the Caterpillar

You'll find your Absolem somewhere in the sun, having a smoke, dreaming up plans to save the world and brooding on the seemingly mad people around her. Absolem is as honest as a creature may be in Under land. She gives a straightforward answer on deep and intriguing life questions. Never believe that there is something she failed to notice whilst sitting on her Mushroom, smoking. She finds it easy to tell any Alice not matter how divinely beautiful: "You’re not the right Alice, my Alice used to have much more muchness!" She is a passionate, slightly controlling queen of her castle. One can truly rely on her opinion as the most objective one around. Living with Absolem may be harder than initially believed. She is a very comfortable Caterpillar, who will easily order you around whilst take long puffs on her cigarette. Ultimately, loving Absolem the right way might reveal a delightful butterfly come spring time! If you can convince Absolem to get of toadstool – and you have enough muchness, the shag will be worth it.

The Red Queen (aka Queen of hearts)

The red queen is the over dramatic diva whom truly believes she owns the world. There is never a dull moment with the red queen. She is heavily opinionated and do not entertain the possibility that she might be wrong. Being a double D breasted persona she loves sex, and is a very passionate woman. She has problem with red and white thinking, and golly there never an in-between. She is all or nothing lady, she will take ownership of you and rock your world. Living with the Red Queen promises to be a rollercoaster ride. It can be very rewarding, if you are willing to take more than the odd order. A relationship with the red queen promises a sex life much like fireworks (that’s if of course you are willing to be at the bottom).

The Bandersnatch

The Bandersnatch has a very intimidating look.  She has short spiky hair, and muscles! She tries to spell “don’t fuck with me” to the world.  She does not wear cleavage or skirts, and her shoes says – I don`t need anyone I can fend for myself. The claws are rarely neatly trimmed, and the voice quite husky.  The truth about the Bandersnatch is that she is indeed very easily intimidated and always feels the need to defend and protect. She has quite a few secrets, and only those closest to her know the truth about her.  The Bandersnatch never goes nude – not even during sex.  She simply chews anyone’s hand if they dare to snap her bra!   At the inside of the intimidating look she is a vulnerable, insecure, caring being.  A Bandersnatch can be the best of friends and the most comforting protective lover.  She is a very easy going partner, as long as she feels secure. Oh beware if she suspects that you are cheating.  The Bandersnatch usually don`t have the confidence to initiate sex.  She will wait patiently praying that you start the magic, and take very personally if you don’t.   Lastly, the Bandersnatch is a very helpful friend it can be seriously handy in chasing away all kinds of scavengers.

The White Rabbit

The only possible lover for the white rabbit is a calm, loyal centered being.  Someone to curb the anxiety with love.  The white rabbit has a heart of gold.  She is totally committed to her friends and lovers.  The problem is that half the time she so stressed out and bouncing of the walls that no one notices her dedication. Frankly, she just runs too fast for anyone to notice anything.   Never be late for an appointment with the White rabbit because she definitely won`t and might think you`re the pits afterwards.  Her heart is in the right place but her mind is all over the place.  She probably has lists and lists of tasks she is urgently trying to execute to perfection.   If you have a white rabbit in your life, you should realize that your approval means the world to her. In fact – that’s actually why she is running like a madman!   In fact, it is the only thing that will make her relax!  If you are a white rabbit, it`s time to look in the mirror and realize you are pretty little bunny, and in fact a hero in your own sense.  Try to stop, think and breathe before you act – the Jabberwocky is not going to slay Alice within the next two minutes.     Sleeping with a white rabbit is wonderful, because she will keep doing it until she does it right! Have some mercy for your white rabbit lover and express your appreciation and gratitude over and over!  YES ALSO IN BED!

*If you cannot figure out who you are, a questionnaire will follow somewhere in the vast future*

Trying to fill the Rabbit hole: Internet Dating. The Screaming red queen, jumping without a rope and meeting Desperate2323.

So, the little rabbit hole seems to be wanting and the Red Queen is screaming for some attention.  If you are like me and live in an area with not much of a Lesbian infrastructure the answer is the World Wide Web.  If you have a credit card handy, or are willing to do an electronic transfer, the door to a whole colony of rabbits is magically revealed. 

*eish ask your granny for her credit card, or steal it!*

Today, I have a few tips for us brave warriors of the battlefield, daring to take the leap….into a stranger`s rabbit hole!

 

1.       Most people who are serious about dating will add a picture of themselves for the Lesbo cuntry to enjoy.  Ones without pictures are usually not out of closet, or married.  No, I don`t say ignore the married and the poor closeted bunnies.  Hey, some of us may even prefer them…. Lots of fun secretly pleasuring the missus in Edgars` cloak rooms!  "SSSShhhhhhh Tannie…."

2.        Pictures on dating sites are probably the best stuff any individual have to present.  We all secretly believe, “oh, I will fool them with my looks until I have them addicted to my incredible personality” Sorry to break it to you hunny bunny, she may love your smses, but physical attraction cannot be faked. So, if someone looks:
“ s  substandard, not your type, don’t like noses like that, not into blonds, not sexy enough, too thick lipped, or have a penis attached” steer clear!

You will only get her involved and then need to write the Dear Jill sms…. Not good.

3.     
Don’t be shy to add a picture!  You will attract much more attention! Yes, don`t be shy that IS actually what you want to achieve!

4.       Be a Spy! Have a look at the background and social setting of her profile pic.  If you see strippers, or strange looking poles – realize she works at the Adult club. (It is not that difficult!)  Scrutinize her clothes, her hairstyle and even her hands.  It could tell you a story. Don`t waste your time on someone that is not your cup of tea.  I  for example would be totally discouraged by a profile pic containing a Blue Bull rugby top or a bottle of Black Label.  Read the situation, I`m a dry red wine girl!

5.       Children in profile pics is just fucked.  Report the bloody user.

6.       Kids are a black and white matter.  If the woman don`t want a partner with a kid or two, getting to know your decadent heart and practiced body will not change it.  I have seen too many couples where the woman decided to “try it” and it all goes very rosy as long as you`re in passionate love and the consecutive orgasms make up for the yelling over the cookie jar.  Truth: in three to six months the honeymoon period will be over and your kids will have to deal with a vicious old stepmom that did not want them in the first place.  Don’t Go There, it will make you all miserable and – Your children deserve better. 

7.       Never make your username “Desperate10234”. Why on earth would you want people to know that you are desperate?  There is nothing as unsexy as a hard up, desperate woman that creates the impression “nobody wanted me – so please consider?” I wouldn`t!  Think carefully, what people find attractive and appealing about you.   Stress this.    Rather use a name like: “irresistible teeth” or “One-in-a-million-nose”.  No seriously rather use your dogs` name than “desperate”.

8.       Don`t let your weight bother you too much.  Most women look irresistible if they are well groomed and correctly dressed.  Make it your mission to be irresistible regardless of your weight, crooked teeth etc

9.       Make your intentions clear.  If you are looking for NSA (No strings attached) sex or rather bungeeing down the rabbit hole without a rope, be clear.  Don’t shag Desperate10234`s brains out and then say. Oh but you should have known! Shame on you!

10.   Be wary of people that are not over their ex.  It’s a waste to invest time and sms`es listening to the tragic story over and over again, praying for some pleasure.  All of it just to be told: “Sorry hoor, we have a history I am going back!”  UGH – Start from scratch? Not AGAIN!

11.   When you decide to meet the Internet Date Diva that you have been chatting up for a week or two, look good, feel good, adore yourself – be the queen of the game and be ready to rock the castle.  If you go on a date this way, you will radiate irresistibility and even if the date turns out only to be a friend- your energy would have been contagious and you`d have lots of fun!

12.   When sifting through possibilities, start in your close vicinity. First look for and chat to those delectable lesbians within 50 kilos from your home base.  Fuel is expensive dearies and hormones don’t think!

13.   Check out, when was the last time she logged into her account.  If it’s more than a month ago, sorry dear she`s probably out jumping a brand new rabbit hole right now!  If your name is Desperate23423 – don`t worry love, in a few years she might be back.

14.   When looking for love outside of your close colony ensure it is someone who would, either be able to move to you (look at the job!) or someone who lives in a place you may enjoy moving to. Darlings, long distance relationships are for Hollywood.  In real life you want to be close to those titties!

15.   Watch carefully when you meet her, don`t keep fiddling with and flirting if it’s clear she’s not reciprocating! Your name is NOT “desperate12234”!  

16.   Talk to your date-to be.  Communicate eagerly, show her you are interested.  Keep her attention, remember: There are hundreds of other`s that might be trying to chat her up as well.  Make sure you are the funniest, sharpest, most available, open option.  Now, don`t be sorry to see her go if you took three hours to answer every time she sms`es you!

17.   Think outside of the rabbit hole. There a fabulous options for threesomes out there, if it is your cup of tea, pour some more and more and more!

18.   Don`t thrust your tongue down her throat on the first date.. A teasing kiss is in order, but don`t put your tongue in your mouth unless she is clearly VERY hot for you. Don`t causer her to order your Red Queen out of the Room (it`s a crime you know!). No is No.

19.   Have a fun first date.  If you need to have some catharsis about your ex, go see a shrink. Dates should be pleasurable! Have a tea party, eat some cake to shrink your date, and laugh your ass off!

If you are unsuccessful and the Red Queen is still screaming, please revert to my article on masturbation.

The world is your playground just be fabulous enough take the leap…. Down the rabbit hole (or holes) you go.  You should be good on holes by now!  Now GO!! You’re not getting any younger you know!  

KISSES en SOENE (SONDER DIE BLEDDIE TONG)

 Darefairy

Best Internet dating sites:

www.gaydating.co.za (By far the very best, lots of girls, extensive profiles – effective, oh yeah!)

www.mambagirl.co.za (not lots of options but a fabulous social site)

www.gaydargirls.co.za (5/10) naaah…

www.flirtcamp.co.za (offers a list  to sms at R2 per sms, you`ll probably send 20 smses and get 1 reply. )

The Lesbian, the Witch and the Wardrobe: Dealing with the closet in social situations.

My mom regularly says:  “she is so deep in the closet they will need a torch to find her”.  For years now I have imagined a Narnia like situation. The closet doors lead to this lesbian Utopia where all women are hot, hungry and waiting. Just when I decide to indulge in a sea of sexiness I see my mom with her wild fiery red hair and my fathers` enormous black torch rushing in behind me. She chases me out with a sordid looking pink slipper repeating something obscene.  (My mother has always been a bit of a white rabbit.)

Getting out of the closet (or being caught in there with your pants down) is however not a lighthearted matter for us gay folks.  What we rarely realize, is that we spend our lives repeatedly coming out of the closet and the sooner we find a way to deal with it, the happier we will be.  The first big step is usually our family.  Without doubt however, we repeatedly find ourselves in other situations where we need to explain our circumstances.  To some of us it can be a mere irritation, but to others it can make us shy, socially anxious, self conscious and plainly embarrassed. The easiest way to relieve this pain is to alter our thinking. 

So you start out at a new job, your colleague wants to know where your husband works.  Eventually after uncomfortably ducking questions people stop asking questions, but start whispering to each other.  The truth is:  they are slightly fascinated by people different from themselves.  The standard lesbian reaction would be to feel belittled, embarrassed, exposed, and dirty and inevitably denying oneself the pleasure of relaxed social interaction at the office.  Frankly, this is not a healthy way to deal with it at all!  Too many lesbians are only friends with other lesbians and never allow a straight soul close to them.  Many times, this seems to be the reason.   So – how do we deal with questions in a social situation differently?

Plainly: You look the old lady in the eye, and say: “I don`t have a husband dear, I have a beautiful girlfriend who works at the hospital”.  Trust me; you will not be the one who is embarrassed. To be able to do this you need to realize a few things. 

Firstly, you should know that it`s up to me and you to teach society to stop assuming that heterosexuality (or marriage) is the only norm.  The quicker we teach the world that being gay is just a normal variable (much like eye colour) the better for ourselves.  By the way, lots of hetero couples just co-habit so the Tannie should learn to ask: “where does your partner work?”  After all, we do live in the most liberal democracy in the world, and people should start acting the part. 

 Secondly, we owe it to ourselves to stop being shy about something that is not shameful.  It is not the old lady that is making you ashamed – it is yourself.  Reacting to it like it is an embarrassment teaches ignorant people that it is something to be embarrassed about.  Teach them the truth.  Truth, being that women loving women is a beautiful, sensual and sacred sexuality.  We are intimate, loving, supportive and intense beings.  A relationship between women is usually something with lots of integrity and emotional bonding.  The perception you create by being shy, is that there are actually something to be shy about.  

Thirdly, we should realize that heterosexual relationships are not superior to homosexual relationships.   Chances are that in her marriage the tannie has experienced, verbal- or physical violence, emotional absence, loneliness, infidelity, substance abuse etc.  She does not go around feeling shy that she has a husband, even if her marriage is hard to sustain and filled with issues that she would never want to reveal to the world.  All human relationships is fallible, neither yours, nor hers will be perfect, so stop feeling inferior, you should probably count your blessings (at least you have bloody closet to hide in!)

Most people are bisexual.  Yes, she may not admit it to you (yet), but it is a scientific fact that sexuality ranges on a scale from 1 to 6.  It changes as circumstances changes, and chances are that both the tannie and/or a close loved one has thought about or experienced kinkiness with someone of the same sex.  If you deal with the revelations in the right way – you will be surprised how quickly your colleagues will share their experiences

.

So next time she asks about your husband, smile nicely, think of that wonderful lesbian Utopia (that you would not swop for the tannie`s hubby) – and get some pride in your bones!   Trust me, in future she will use that torch to peek over the cubicle wall into your exotic cuntry.  Don`t forget to note the blink of envy in her eyes.  Not everyone is so gutsy about what they need as you turned out to be.

Whether you go down the rabbit hole to Under land, or through the wardrobe into a world of  lesbian love, don`t let the witch catch you with your pants down, but proudly parade them all over ((even if they were bought at Markhams))!  Finally, remember to turn on the light so they don`t need the torch to envy you when they  peek!

Proudly Lesbian Kisses

Darefairy

From Clitoral Frostbite to Getting your fire hose ready

A friend of mine usually talks about the “Lesbian sexual death bed”.  This happens when two women in a steady relationship,   do not have sex anymore.  The thought of sex don`t not gross them out, but they just do not feel like it anymore.   I call it Clitoral Frostbite – an unnatural disaster!

Usually in cases like this, during a fight, your partner might yell: “and we never have sex anymore!”  After thinking and calculating you would say: “but we did, that time when your sister visited!”  She answers:  “it was six months ago!” Ooops, flashing red lights honey!

Women find it too easy to shrug and say “sex is not important”.  Huge mistake.  Sex, flirtation and chemistry is what makes us jump, it gives us joy, butterflies and a very necessary kick.  A good orgasm not only strengthens your relationship (remember the oxytocin), but fights off the blues.  Whether you want to know it or not – if you do not have sex with your girlfriend chances are that someone else will.  Soon.

Incest is gross! We were not born to desire our sisters, our mothers or our children.  Quite regularly, this is where the first problem lies.  Look at the typical roles you and your woman are playing towards each other.  If she mothers you, and you enjoy being the pampered child (or visa versa) the chemistry WIL vanish.  We are not programmed to shag our mothers! (Thank God – no disrespect mom!)   If you love, treat and greet her like your sister, she simply won`t desire you!  Kiss your lover longer; make her yearn for more before leaving for the office.  Why not push her to wall, table, floor, couch to say hello when you get home?  It will kick start an evening like you won`t believe.

 No sexual relationship will survive unless you are two adults who admire each other.  My favorite author, Ayn Rand states that your sexual partner is an indication of your highest values.

For example, if Sharon Stone desires me, I would feel very flattered and be turned on just to speak to her.  This means, beauty and fame are something I value highly (hypothetically!).  Consequently I must be good in something she values highly for her to want me (eg. Intelligence).   Because both I and Sharon admire each other, we make each other feel clever, beautiful, intelligent and wanted by the best.  This way we make each other’s juices flow! 

This usually goes wrong in a comfortable relationship when we start to think our lover will still want us sexually even if we neglect ourselves physically, intellectually and emotionally.  Always remember what attracted your partner to you – and hold on to that, that way you will stay sexy to her! We all grow old, but that does not mean we have to neglect ourselves – a mature woman, can still be very hot.  Just look at Madonna and Ellen. 

 If you don`t look after yourself, you risk losing her admiration and she won`t be turned on by you anymore.   It’s not about acceptance darlings, if you want unconditional acceptance go to your mommy (the real one!!!)  She does not have to shag you.  It`s about feeling good, about yourself and your lover.  It’s about making some extra effort to maintain and approve upon those things about you she adores.  If years go by, and you stop looking after your hair, skin, personality or breathe she is guaranteed to loose sexual interest.   You can love someone to death but a stinky breath stays a stinky breath! Sies man!

It has to be a kick that such a stunning woman wants her; you should be an achievement to her – not an embarrassment.  Face it:  it is wonderful to know someone could have had anyone she chooses – but she chose you.  As opposed to, no one else wants her, so she is stuck with you. 

Hard facts lovers, but true!

Now, a few steps to relieve your clitoral frostbite (before it turns black and falls of!):

a)     Get those roles right! When you speak to her, who do you sound like? A parent? A sibling? You should speak to your lover like one speaks to a lover.  Change: “auw liefie, you look so troubled can I bring you a calming tablet”  to “my darling! You look like someone stole your vibrator – can I give you a massage?”

b)      Be happy when you hear from her.  I have overheard too many conversations between partners where one or both of them sound like they are falling asleep.  The subliminal message, being: I take you for granted, I don’t prioritize making you feel special anymore, you bore me, and I have got better things to do is a blinding shame.  It wipes away any kind of magic in a whiz!

c)       Foreplay can start up to 12 hours before sex.  Send flirtatious sms`es, kiss her goodbye in such a way that she wants more.  Leave a sexy message in her laptop bag.  Make her look forward to seeing you tonight.   Very important: if you made a promise you MUST adhere to it!  Don`t have her all wet and in anticipation and then plead tired!

d)      For heaven’s sake, kiss her with your whole body not only your lips!

e)      Masturbate together, there is few things as sexy as watching a woman pleasure herself.  Get some popcorn, good music and two pompoms! “Go darling Go!”

f)        Shave your legs, brush your teeth and bath!  It is not about politics or feminist rhetoric, but shaved legs makes any woman feel very sexy.  Feeling sexy makes one hot!

g)      When lying in bed with her, touch her.  Put your soft shaved leg in between hers and feel the magic.  Move against her. Kiss her in strange places.  Work the magic. Event whilst watching Survivor!

h)       If both of you really got a problem with desire stop HERE.  Do all of the above daily – but, refrain from going any further for at least a week.  By the time you move past soft kisses and entwined legs, you`ll need a fire hose. 

i)        Once you have sex, talk and laugh whilst having sex.  Tell her what you enjoy, tell her you love her, body, boobs, hands, ears, hips, nose, nipples etc. 

j)        When you visit the Queen of Hearts down under have some manners!  Greet softly, lick lightly, and talk to the Queen.  Kiss you’re her inner thighs lightly – make her beg for more.  Never just jump in there and devour her.  You are not the wolf eating red riding hoods` granny!  Except of course if you are engaging in some very kinky role play!   When you are finished, don’t just leave give her a goodbye kiss.  Remember she does not need to open the door next time if you don`t behave this time!

k)       Get more info on alternative sex.  New positions, toys, lubricants, venues, role-play etc.  In a long term relationship you need to keep it interesting.   There is so much to explore – don`t let your sex life become a repetitive boring chore.   

I Hope this hot little sermon warmed you up a little! Now, go be a hotter Lesbian, your lover wants you to. I am watching you, and remember:  After a while everything with frost bite turns black and falls of!