I love your Girlfriend - honesty and two degrees of seperation.

I will start out frankly: I am not a serious optimist when it comes to the viability of straight modelled lesbian relationships. I have just encountered a few too many lesbian relationships gone horribly awry. I have a friend who has not been in a relationship for six years. She simply doesnt feel like the high drama any longer. If I look around me, I don`t blame her. I suspect, that at the core of our lesbian relationship difficulties lies two things: firstly we try way to hard to imitate straight monogamous calvinist marriages, and secondly our female inability to stop caring for our ex lovers and perhaps following that, our intense need to own the person we love. So you have six ladies in your life you call friends, turns out they are actually all exes with whom you share a bag full of intimate and emotionally loaded memories. Your newest lover has issues with them, as they make her feel insecure. After various over emotional fights you choose between a friendless existence or another breakup and consequently another ex that you will remain in contact with inevitably. This mad but very real situation brings us to a choice:a) You can either decide that your current lover is the most important person in the world and abandon your exes, risking isolation and end up despising her for losing people closest to your heart in the long term. b) Your lover can learn to accept that she is your most imporant love and that caring and even loving other people does not derive from that. The facts are. If the only reason you are staying with your lover and not having juicy thoughts about other women is because you don`t get to communicate with anyone else, then she should be way more insecure than if you were frank with her about exes and other people dear to you.Its a bit of a cosmopolitan love. Myself and a friend in Cape Town recently worked out that in South Africa there are about two people between you and any other South African Lesbian (sexually). So, we are one hot and happy family. We have to accept ourselves as women whom, in kind are loving, warm hearted and bond tightly and easily we should probably stop trying to imitate straight relationships in our much diffrent way of loving. We are not stud bulls trying to spread our gene pool as far as possible, we are deeper, more caring beings, and thinking that loving anyone means forgetting and unloving everyone else you have once loved is a giant mistake. Especially with women. The solution lies in free open and uninhibited communication. My primary lover knows, about all the women I carry close to my heart. She also understands how important she is to me. In fact all the women in my life does. Yes, I love more than one woman. That does not make me the slut of Lesbia, it simply makes me honest, both with myself and the objects of my affection. One of the last things I want is someone who does not want me, or worse somoene that wants to imprison me. We must design our own working mode, l heavens the straight model doesnt even work for straights!!So, as a pessimist over the longterm viability of a relationship between two over emotional intense woman, I believe that lesbian relationships can only work if we are open and honest about the fact that we do love each others girlfriends - it does not mean we need to sleep with them, but denial has never caused love to vanish, it only broods and grows stronger until what you are hiding either bursts open dramatically or devours you from the inside.So honey, I love your girlfriend, sir, I love your wife - live with it, because if you are honest you will admit, that you too loves somene elses girlfriend. Remember to support www.alicemagazine.co.za

Kisses

Darefairy