....what sticks and stones can`t break - the power of words

After a significant absence I am back to entertain you with the tragic truth and the wonderful reality…
Thanks for bearing with me.

 If we are lucky,  life allows us to grow and develop.  Like wonderful divas. We soar and mature into more and more beauty every day.  Unfortunately however humans were also made to be extremely emotionally adaptable – and tend to quickly develop a very high level of tolerance for anything, from calming tablets, to violence. 

 The universe has been bombarding me with one message for the past month and that message entails the effect words and energy have on our health and wellbeing.  So, why is this lesbian issue?  Easy.  Women are highly emotional, seriously volatile and mostly quite expressive beings.  Even though this is exactly what we love about each other (and frankly what our straight friends miss most) it is also  the recipe for the worst of volcanic disasters, emotional tantrums and even crimes of passion. 

 The fact is – it seems that without noticing, we find it easier and easier every day that a relationship progress to be more insensitive and even verbally abusive.  I am not saying you should not be honest with your lover.  I am saying we should think what we are going to say, before we say it – and most important HOW we say it.   Barfing up insensitive remarks is easy when you are emotional, but Receiving them is devastating.  It leaves scarrs and wounds that take much longer to heal than sticks and stones ever could. 

So the sequence goes like this:   X upsets Y by doing something.  Y hurts X, so X hurts Y back – this time hitting a bit harder.  After a few knockout rounds of  lover Tennis, wounded egos and a shocked feeling running through their veins they stop the  fight.  Suddenly unresolved hurt lies between these two people that once adored each other.  Over time the hurting becomes a habit, the more it happens the more numb we get.  Because it’s not possible to only go numb in one part of your heart – your love numbs too – making it easier to give and take the punishment. In time the love becomes less than the injuries multiply and we go through life crippled by pain, but holding on to what we once had. Of course the number we get, we tend to react less and less to those words, and as we stop reacting the injuries get deeper, as our partners get more drifty in getting through to us. 

Honeys,  don’t be fooled by the numbness – you are not getting stronger,  you are actually dying.  What is worse is that you are allowing the one person you chose to love you – to destroy you.

Words words words – if ever there were a lie – it is that words can never hurt you.  Give me sticks and stones, by all means – break my bones – but leave my soul to be happy and free. 
 

We need to get out of this rut.  I`ve been thinking it through – and I can only see one way – and that is to become more sensitive.Contrary to instinct.   We should feel the violence of our own words before it leaves our lips. At the time if we allow ourselves to feel the violence of her words in time, we will know when to leave before it consumes us.  If we can break the lesbian cycle of emotional outbursts, psychological manipulation, and insensitive comments with love and sensitivity and getting the hell out of there in time we would probably be much happier.  It’s not that easy? When we are hurt, angry and loosing perspective,  it offers relief to lash out and dish out some hurt of our own.  Unfortunately the relieve is short lived.  Admit it to yourself, women lose perspective easier because we put our hearts into our partners.  There are no distance to make you pause and see the situation in context and so we become our own nemesis when it comes to relationships.  It needs to be a cognitive decision – you should tell yourself, when you get that “this truck is running down the hill without breaks” feeling to STOP.  STOP and leave.  Phone a friend, a shrink, a nurse, a pastor ANYONE – and get distance before reacting.  Decide to break the cycle of abuse with your mind not your heart. Never justify hard words towards the woman you love.   We are adults – we have the power, and on the other side of the violence – heaven awaits.

Words shape  our  reality and our wellbeing.  Language is the way we love and hate.

I  will soon write a follow up on: “fixing what sticks and stones can`t break”  until then…

Kisses

Darefairy