A friend of mine usually talks about the “Lesbian sexual death bed”. This happens when two women in a steady relationship, do not have sex anymore. The thought of sex don`t not gross them out, but they just do not feel like it anymore. I call it Clitoral Frostbite – an unnatural disaster!
Usually in cases like this, during a fight, your partner might yell: “and we never have sex anymore!” After thinking and calculating you would say: “but we did, that time when your sister visited!” She answers: “it was six months ago!” Ooops, flashing red lights honey!
Women find it too easy to shrug and say “sex is not important”. Huge mistake. Sex, flirtation and chemistry is what makes us jump, it gives us joy, butterflies and a very necessary kick. A good orgasm not only strengthens your relationship (remember the oxytocin), but fights off the blues. Whether you want to know it or not – if you do not have sex with your girlfriend chances are that someone else will. Soon.
Incest is gross! We were not born to desire our sisters, our mothers or our children. Quite regularly, this is where the first problem lies. Look at the typical roles you and your woman are playing towards each other. If she mothers you, and you enjoy being the pampered child (or visa versa) the chemistry WIL vanish. We are not programmed to shag our mothers! (Thank God – no disrespect mom!) If you love, treat and greet her like your sister, she simply won`t desire you! Kiss your lover longer; make her yearn for more before leaving for the office. Why not push her to wall, table, floor, couch to say hello when you get home? It will kick start an evening like you won`t believe.
No sexual relationship will survive unless you are two adults who admire each other. My favorite author, Ayn Rand states that your sexual partner is an indication of your highest values.
For example, if Sharon Stone desires me, I would feel very flattered and be turned on just to speak to her. This means, beauty and fame are something I value highly (hypothetically!). Consequently I must be good in something she values highly for her to want me (eg. Intelligence). Because both I and Sharon admire each other, we make each other feel clever, beautiful, intelligent and wanted by the best. This way we make each other’s juices flow!
This usually goes wrong in a comfortable relationship when we start to think our lover will still want us sexually even if we neglect ourselves physically, intellectually and emotionally. Always remember what attracted your partner to you – and hold on to that, that way you will stay sexy to her! We all grow old, but that does not mean we have to neglect ourselves – a mature woman, can still be very hot. Just look at Madonna and Ellen.
If you don`t look after yourself, you risk losing her admiration and she won`t be turned on by you anymore. It’s not about acceptance darlings, if you want unconditional acceptance go to your mommy (the real one!!!) She does not have to shag you. It`s about feeling good, about yourself and your lover. It’s about making some extra effort to maintain and approve upon those things about you she adores. If years go by, and you stop looking after your hair, skin, personality or breathe she is guaranteed to loose sexual interest. You can love someone to death but a stinky breath stays a stinky breath! Sies man!
It has to be a kick that such a stunning woman wants her; you should be an achievement to her – not an embarrassment. Face it: it is wonderful to know someone could have had anyone she chooses – but she chose you. As opposed to, no one else wants her, so she is stuck with you.
Hard facts lovers, but true!
Now, a few steps to relieve your clitoral frostbite (before it turns black and falls of!):
a) Get those roles right! When you speak to her, who do you sound like? A parent? A sibling? You should speak to your lover like one speaks to a lover. Change: “auw liefie, you look so troubled can I bring you a calming tablet” to “my darling! You look like someone stole your vibrator – can I give you a massage?”
b) Be happy when you hear from her. I have overheard too many conversations between partners where one or both of them sound like they are falling asleep. The subliminal message, being: I take you for granted, I don’t prioritize making you feel special anymore, you bore me, and I have got better things to do is a blinding shame. It wipes away any kind of magic in a whiz!
c) Foreplay can start up to 12 hours before sex. Send flirtatious sms`es, kiss her goodbye in such a way that she wants more. Leave a sexy message in her laptop bag. Make her look forward to seeing you tonight. Very important: if you made a promise you MUST adhere to it! Don`t have her all wet and in anticipation and then plead tired!
d) For heaven’s sake, kiss her with your whole body not only your lips!
e) Masturbate together, there is few things as sexy as watching a woman pleasure herself. Get some popcorn, good music and two pompoms! “Go darling Go!”
f) Shave your legs, brush your teeth and bath! It is not about politics or feminist rhetoric, but shaved legs makes any woman feel very sexy. Feeling sexy makes one hot!
g) When lying in bed with her, touch her. Put your soft shaved leg in between hers and feel the magic. Move against her. Kiss her in strange places. Work the magic. Event whilst watching Survivor!
h) If both of you really got a problem with desire stop HERE. Do all of the above daily – but, refrain from going any further for at least a week. By the time you move past soft kisses and entwined legs, you`ll need a fire hose.
i) Once you have sex, talk and laugh whilst having sex. Tell her what you enjoy, tell her you love her, body, boobs, hands, ears, hips, nose, nipples etc.
j) When you visit the Queen of Hearts down under have some manners! Greet softly, lick lightly, and talk to the Queen. Kiss you’re her inner thighs lightly – make her beg for more. Never just jump in there and devour her. You are not the wolf eating red riding hoods` granny! Except of course if you are engaging in some very kinky role play! When you are finished, don’t just leave give her a goodbye kiss. Remember she does not need to open the door next time if you don`t behave this time!
k) Get more info on alternative sex. New positions, toys, lubricants, venues, role-play etc. In a long term relationship you need to keep it interesting. There is so much to explore – don`t let your sex life become a repetitive boring chore.
I Hope this hot little sermon warmed you up a little! Now, go be a hotter Lesbian, your lover wants you to. I am watching you, and remember: After a while everything with frost bite turns black and falls of!
