Loving Down under: Should the Queen of hearts shave?

I once read in the Vagina Monologues:  “You cannot love a vagina unless you love hair.”  I could not help but smile, thinking: thank heavens I don’t need to do those embarrassing waxes,  pimply shaving or chemical Veet burns any longer.  I thought, of course any lesbian would love vagina, so they would love it like it came.  Wrapped in a little blanket of pubic fur!  I was lucky that my only two long term girlfriends truly did like vagina, hair included.  Then, one day chatting to another couple, I realized that once again i`ve been the mad hatter in fools` paradise.  All lesbians truly did not love hair, in fact all lesbians did not even love vagina!

Being a huge fan of going down under, I find it hard to understand how anyone could not just adore Vagina.  Much less think about the fact that one of my most hardcore lesbian friends don`t even like visiting down under! (When I mean visit, I mean she at least deserves a proper hello and goodbye kiss!)   In fact, my friend would much rather venture down the rabbit hole  riding the plastic strap on, than personally getting to know the Queen of hearts!   Now, don’t  that just take the L out of Lesbian?

So what is it about Vagina that I love, and where does hair feature in this equation?  Perhaps it is the beautiful subtle reactivity of the vagina that entices me.  It`s not crude and in your face like a penis.  But still ever so reactive! A happy vagina is a puffy warm little wet thing.  Every vagina has her own smell, taste and she is truly a communicative entity.  Little locked dry lips, just says it all don’t it?  In fact, you don’t need to have a very communicative partner if you can speak the language down under! The facts are, vaginas don’t lie – not even the vaginas who`s host brain is in denial.  If she loves it, she shows it!   If you look and feel carefully, she makes it very clear what it is she likes and what you should rather stop doing.  Perhaps this is the most important reason one should love visiting down under.  In order to communicate and get to know the Queen of hearts!  No words can tell what your partner enjoys better than the reaction of her vagina, a satisfying sex life definitely includes getting to know the language down under!  Honey, could our next fight be naked in the 69 position pretty please?

I read once that the original ape man`s  purpose of pubic and armpit hair in adults was to signal maturity to possible sexual partners.  Instinctively thus: no hair  equals  underage,  keep off!  The article also explained that pubic and armpit hairs help to convey pheromones to possible sexual partners.  So, much less smoke signals without pubes darlings! The conclusion is that traditionally a woman without pubic hair or pheromone signals is indeed a little girl! It goes a long way to explain why some men demand their women shaved.  

There`s few things as sexy as a quick feel down under in an inpropriate setting (like the elevator!).  Without the luxury of the wonderful lingering smell on your fingers afterwards (a little private entertainment when standing in the cue at the bank), the whole episode just seems to way too short. It’s the kind of thing I prefer to rember as long as possible!   Now,  I suspect that without the smell preserving capacity of the pubes the smell just would not have lingered long enough!  All hail to the pubes!

So ladies, keep it short enough to avoid ponytails but in the end, I agree with Eve, you can never love the Queen of hearts if you don’t love her beard as well! 

In Search of the Elusive Femme

After six years of passion, blood and guts my girlfriend moved out a few months ago.  In a desperate attempt to fill the gaping hole only a woman can leave, I recently started looking out for someone new.  As I don’t reside in Gauteng or Cape Town I started off my journey limited to the lovely local lesbians.   The biggest obstacle turned out to be that I prefer feminine women.  I only needed to visit the one and only gay bar in town in order for me to realize, this is not going to be a short journey. 

Through my Tequila infused soda glass I got introduced to the women entering the bar.  Is it the tequila or just me struggling to differentiate between the faces?  Then I realize, it’s the identical hairstyles, with the identical highlights, and the same casual to non-existent clothing style, no cleavage, no luscious lipstick or long hair.  They all looked the same to me! Suddenly I felt very much out of place.  To make things worse I realized I`m in trouble because I can`t seem to remember whose name belongs to which face.  I felt disenfranchised, got up and left, feeling isolated and deserted.  Even willing to return to the nightmare of my previous relationship just to belong.  I`m not straight and I don’t fit in the local lesbian scene, I`m single, but not into men or lesbians.  Where do I turn?

A faint flicker of hope struck when my thoughts dwindled to my funky new Samsung Galaxy Tablet.  To the internet of course! Having never done this before I hesitantly started subscribing to dating websites.  After exhausting many a data bundle  all the feminine women turned out to be from Europe or the USA.  Perhaps feminine women just don`t need to subscribe to these shady websites.  Are there such a high demand for femmes that they`re just all occupied.  But I`m fem,  I`m not occupied, and I certainly don’t feel like there`s any kind of demand for my attention.  So where are the elusive femmes hiding? Back at point one, perhaps at the local gay bar.  So I started entertaining the thought of a femme in dykes clothes…

This made me worry about the state psychological state of the Lesbian Nation in the not-so urban areas.  Why are all our fabulous, voluptuous strong women resorting to dressing like men, shaving off their hair and hiding their breasts?  We all love boobs,  heavens!  Show a little cleavage, and get attracted to yourself!  It may be a mere confidence issue, or perhaps gay women are confining themselves to the same little boxes society has traditionally put us in. Women who would have preferred to be men.  For ages lesbians and feminsists have fought for the right of lesbians to be accepted as women that loves women, women that loves to be women.  Aren`t we pushing ourselves back into these boxes of, “lesbian looks” “lesbian chat”, “lesbian hair”, “lesbian piercings” “lesbian clothes” and even “lesbian tattoos” always evading the feminine in all of the above!   Why on earth would we want to limit ourselves to such an extent?

 Let me make this loud and clear, I am a woman, a beautiful, voluptuous, feminine diva, with lovely soft breasts and cherry red lipstick! I won`t be limited in the expression of my beauty by the sex of my partner, or societies ideas about lesbians.   

The epitomy of female sensuality is two naked women in embrace.  We are a proud sacred sexuality,  we have what straight women wish they had with their husbands, and we have what men dream of in their bedrooms.  Why aren’t we loud and proud women in the same way that we are loud and proud lesbians?  It seems to me that we have stopped loving our own bodies.  Lesbians need to revisit the mirror,  they need to touch themselves and appreciate being beautifully and sensually female.  Coming out of the closet does not mean you need to leave your make-up and perfume in there darlings! 

I suspect its time to start giving some lessons to the local lesbian ladies in integrating being abundantly female with being a woman who loves women.  It is so much better worshiping your lovers` body if you are able to love yourself.  After all, female loving lesbians should actually be society’s experts on female beauty and the triumph of the lovely sensual cleavage and the ecstasy of a soft body one can lose oneself in.