I dedicate today’s opinion piece to three significant creatures in my Wonderland. The elf man who helped create the fairy, the Alice who established my Hatter hood, and the Cheshire Cat who is always lurking in the Shadows.
In the Movie “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless mind” the girl gets a corporation of shrinks to erase her lost love from her memory. This way she does not need to deal with the pain of loss. It occurred to me that this might be the best possible solution for relationship related pain. (however my pinkshrink laughed at me when I requested this.) The thought of easily removing the object of loss from one`s memory just seems like a promise of eternal sunshine and heaven. Will erasing people from our mind transform our lives from "Alice in Under land" to "Alice in Wonderland"? It promises to. A consciousness devoid of pain. A place where we can love like mad and just erase the pain if we get hurt.
I started to imagine loving to the fullest, risking my heart without the possibility of luring loss and disappointment - a world where people don`t remember hurting one another. A hypnotic safety net of altering conciousness after loss. Wow! How would life be if we just loved, boundless, limitless and without reservation. It would be wild, wacky, loud, lovely and happy.
On the other hand, if we really loved each other this way, and lived boundless, would we have so much pain? If all of us stopped the doubt and just loved, we might not need shrinks to remove each other from our minds in order to be happy.
A year ago I lost my best friend, Exo to a tragic mountaineering accident. After a journey of eleven years, I neglected him for the last three months of his life. After his death, I was told that he was disturbed and sad about this, he did not understand. Dying on 8 August 2010, I never got the chance to rectify my mistake. I never got the last chance to tell him: “I love you”.
Standing next to Exo`s grave there was nothing I wanted to do more than to hold him one last time and tell him how much he means to me. We live life limiting ourselves by social boundaries. I can`t love you because of this, I can`t show you how much I care because of that, I am scared to love you, what if you leave me, if I show you how I feel, would you hurt me? We make war against our hearts, and our own emotions become the Jabberwocky.
As time passes we lose people along the way, because we are too busy fighting the war to show love. There are few things in life as liberating as telling someone: I love you, I don`t care what you do, or how you change, or if you grow a large purple mole on your nose – I love you, and this will never change.
I can love more than one person this way, all of us can. It is time to rid ourselves of these Calvinistic patriarchal boundaries. I Recently said to myself: I do not care if some day I am just another face at her funeral, but I never want to feel regret for not loving enough again. This is why I will love free, and clear - despite the calvinistic way of being. It is time to be free, to love and care, like we have spotless minds. Like we have a fabulous shrink to save us on the other side and erase the pain.
This is the surest way to Wonderland.
“At some point, you have to make a decision. Boundaries don't keep other people out. They fence you in. Life is messy. That's how we're made. So, you can waste your lives drawing lines. Or you can live your life crossing them.” – Dr. Meredith Grey (Greys Anatomy).
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