In Search of the Elusive Femme

After six years of passion, blood and guts my girlfriend moved out a few months ago.  In a desperate attempt to fill the gaping hole only a woman can leave, I recently started looking out for someone new.  As I don’t reside in Gauteng or Cape Town I started off my journey limited to the lovely local lesbians.   The biggest obstacle turned out to be that I prefer feminine women.  I only needed to visit the one and only gay bar in town in order for me to realize, this is not going to be a short journey. 

Through my Tequila infused soda glass I got introduced to the women entering the bar.  Is it the tequila or just me struggling to differentiate between the faces?  Then I realize, it’s the identical hairstyles, with the identical highlights, and the same casual to non-existent clothing style, no cleavage, no luscious lipstick or long hair.  They all looked the same to me! Suddenly I felt very much out of place.  To make things worse I realized I`m in trouble because I can`t seem to remember whose name belongs to which face.  I felt disenfranchised, got up and left, feeling isolated and deserted.  Even willing to return to the nightmare of my previous relationship just to belong.  I`m not straight and I don’t fit in the local lesbian scene, I`m single, but not into men or lesbians.  Where do I turn?

A faint flicker of hope struck when my thoughts dwindled to my funky new Samsung Galaxy Tablet.  To the internet of course! Having never done this before I hesitantly started subscribing to dating websites.  After exhausting many a data bundle  all the feminine women turned out to be from Europe or the USA.  Perhaps feminine women just don`t need to subscribe to these shady websites.  Are there such a high demand for femmes that they`re just all occupied.  But I`m fem,  I`m not occupied, and I certainly don’t feel like there`s any kind of demand for my attention.  So where are the elusive femmes hiding? Back at point one, perhaps at the local gay bar.  So I started entertaining the thought of a femme in dykes clothes…

This made me worry about the state psychological state of the Lesbian Nation in the not-so urban areas.  Why are all our fabulous, voluptuous strong women resorting to dressing like men, shaving off their hair and hiding their breasts?  We all love boobs,  heavens!  Show a little cleavage, and get attracted to yourself!  It may be a mere confidence issue, or perhaps gay women are confining themselves to the same little boxes society has traditionally put us in. Women who would have preferred to be men.  For ages lesbians and feminsists have fought for the right of lesbians to be accepted as women that loves women, women that loves to be women.  Aren`t we pushing ourselves back into these boxes of, “lesbian looks” “lesbian chat”, “lesbian hair”, “lesbian piercings” “lesbian clothes” and even “lesbian tattoos” always evading the feminine in all of the above!   Why on earth would we want to limit ourselves to such an extent?

 Let me make this loud and clear, I am a woman, a beautiful, voluptuous, feminine diva, with lovely soft breasts and cherry red lipstick! I won`t be limited in the expression of my beauty by the sex of my partner, or societies ideas about lesbians.   

The epitomy of female sensuality is two naked women in embrace.  We are a proud sacred sexuality,  we have what straight women wish they had with their husbands, and we have what men dream of in their bedrooms.  Why aren’t we loud and proud women in the same way that we are loud and proud lesbians?  It seems to me that we have stopped loving our own bodies.  Lesbians need to revisit the mirror,  they need to touch themselves and appreciate being beautifully and sensually female.  Coming out of the closet does not mean you need to leave your make-up and perfume in there darlings! 

I suspect its time to start giving some lessons to the local lesbian ladies in integrating being abundantly female with being a woman who loves women.  It is so much better worshiping your lovers` body if you are able to love yourself.  After all, female loving lesbians should actually be society’s experts on female beauty and the triumph of the lovely sensual cleavage and the ecstasy of a soft body one can lose oneself in.