"There are too many mediocre things in life - love should not be one of them"

Quite often I hear people pick up the phone when their loved ones are calling.  Before even properly greeting   their lover, I can usually hear the "could we please just get this conversation over with"  sound in their voices.  Then again, I have other friends, who picks up and says "hello babe!" ... Guess in which relationship I would rather be.  

The matter of mediocrity in love especially in lesbian relationships is something we should take very seriously.  Too many of us has all kinds of sparks flying at the start of our relationship and end up after a few months with a bland, watered down - "oh it`s just you" situation.  Yes, we are women, we tame each other fast,  we get all enmeshed and domestic and very soon there are little left for the imagination that entices and excites.  This is a huge potential pothole for our little lesbian love lives.  Before realizing it, our relationships might turn into a sad depressing affair.  

Fighting mediocrity is never too late.  It might start off with a little kinky note in her briefcase,  an unexpected bunch of flowers at the office,  a blindfold in bed or whispering dirty little promises in her ear during dinner with your parents.   It`s not hard to come up with exciting ideas to introduce variety, surprise, excitement and fun into a settled relationship.  

When you love her, love her fiercely,  and ensure she knows, that you move mountains and fight tigers for her love... Tell her what you love about her body, about her voice, her eyes, her hands - suck her toes and kiss her feet when she expects it least - this is keeping the flame alive in long term relationships. 

Make your old familiar beautiful mountain explode :) It makes the hikes so much more worth-it. 

Happy exploding! 

Kisses

Darefairy 

Taking her on a Date: a lesson in romance...

Ok, enough with all the hardcore sex and emotional spikes ((only for now)) – it is time we talked about dating.  For the first time in my mere 33 years of living I am actually trying out the dating scene. Meaning, I am going out on adventures with all kinds of fantastic women and enjoying every moment.

 Dating is not about being committed to someone or moving in on the second date.  It`s about going on a date.  An appointment, at a restaurant, picnic place, movie or whatever – like going to the doctor, going on a date. 

In my opinion the phenomena of social networking has accelerated us beyond the point of dating.  We meet each other, after having spent weeks on whatsapp sharing all our most intimate secrets and end up meeting someone we know very well on the first date.  With little left for the imagination, we start relationships like old married couples. NO! NO! NO!   

I was a lucky girl. I have to share it here, because she deserves some recognition.  The first date I went on after years of tedious, dramatic, abusive and emotionally draining, committed relationships was with a woman called Soe!. Going on dates (not dating) Soe! gave me brand new zest for lesbian life.

Let me tell the compact version.   I made a date with Soe! at my all-time favourite fantasy restaurants.  Not looking forward much and still licking the wounds the Cheshire cat, scratched all over my face.  I awaited the seemingly interesting lesbian I met on Facebook.  We have chatted some, not much though. 

My first blink of her, was the gorgeous woman, (and please note WOMAN, not girl) with her loose hair and a bunch of flowers in her arms.  As I approached her, my head buzzed. This woman, clearly fluent in flirting, dating and cooking up chemistry made me feel adored from the second I met her.   The way  she kept eye contact, overloaded after looking into my eyes ((and had to take sip of wine pausing)), subtle touching of my hands, and later the vague rubbing of her knee against mine had me bedazzled. We chatted for six hours straight, with the most incredible sexual energy hovering between us.  Before she left we briefly kissed and she watched me drive away after walking me to my car.

This, however was  a  date, not a relationship, not a plan to get married – a magical fantastic date. That’s all.  On our second date, she showed up at my hotel, with twinkles in her eyes. I awaited her barefoot in the lobby,  and we had the most romantic dinner on the balcony.  She brought me jewelry, strawberries and chocolates.  I felt like the most adored sensual woman in history.  Needless to say, yes the date entailed the most fabulous sex I ever had. 

After she left in morning I sent her tons of red roses, making her feel all adored and spoiled. What were we really doing?  Falling in love?  Building a relationship? No – we were going on regular heartwarming, gut igniting dates.  Were we seeing other people – of course we were, going on a date is a verb, not a condition.   

What I am alluding to is that we have forgotten how to date.  I certainly have.  Going on a date or six with Soe! Made me think hard about the way we lesbians kick start our magic, or the lack thereof.   

Whether you are in a real picket fenced relationship,  at the start of something new, single, dating, checking things out, in an open relationship or whatever. We need to relook the effort we put into making each other feel appreciated and adored.  We need to relive that breathtaking moment when someone sends you flowers and recapture that fantastic feeling that all the straight girls get in high school when the boyfriend is touching her hand for the first time.  We don`t need to miss this because we are lesbians. 

I am concerned that missing it, however may be the lesbian norm. We jump into relationships boots, pubic hair, and emotional baggage and all from the very first date.  By doing this, we are denying ourselves the unmistakable magic of fascination with this gorgeous new woman in our lives.  We are domesticating what could be wild and magical from the very start. 

This is my challenge to you.  Ask her on a date.  Make her feel wined and dined like the happiest women in the world,  and see the magic materializing, all on its own. 

Kisses

Darefairy